


A Multitude of Sorrows

by Arix



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Attempted Suicide, Eren was kidnapped, Happy Ending, I suck at tags, M/M, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-13
Updated: 2017-10-13
Packaged: 2019-01-16 17:39:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12347430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arix/pseuds/Arix
Summary: When Eren was kidnapped Levi's life seemed to stop, but when Eren is found as a broken shell of himself will Levi be able to cope with the remainder of Eren that is left?





	A Multitude of Sorrows

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not super good at writing so this is just a one shot I've been working on because I can't seem to be able to continue writing multi-chaptered fics. I hope i wrote well enough and captured emotions enough. So please enjoy!  
> *TRIGGER WARNING* there is attempted suicide.

The once determined and striking green eyes were dull with hopelessness. His once lean and muscular build was small and frail looking. His normally sunkissed skin was pale. His chocolate brown hair was limp and brittle looking. He looked drained of life and will. He laid curled up in the hospital bed. The stark white room looked just as lifeless as him. The balloons and flowers and ‘get well’ cards did little to brighten the room. 

The boy had been missing for a month and to think that whoever had done this to him in such little time was miraculous. He had been found in the middle of the night crawling onto the road looking for someone to help him. Help that he didn’t want anymore. 

“We can’t disclose any information he doesn’t want us to,” one of the nurses says to the group. “The only one we can tell in his next of kin. We have already told her and we would appreciate if you would ask her instead of us.” 

Levi watched through the small window as Eren curled more into himself. THe young green eyed boy could hear them. He could hear them argue. 

Levi balled his hands into fists. How could someone do this to someone so bright? How could anyone hurt the ray of sunshine that was Eren Jaeger. What fucker in their right mind could do this to someone so outgoing and beautiful and just fucking amazing. How could--

“Levi,” he turned. Mikasa stood holding her hands to her chest. “T-thank you..for being here.” She looked like she had been crying. She was so strong. He nodded and went to pull her into a hug. 

“We’re all here,” his voice sounded strange. He hadn’t said a word since they had gotten here. He could feel her shake in his arms.

“y’know...I thought we lost him. I really did. I thought,” she paused,” I thought he was gone. They stopped looking...and I thought-” Levi held her tighter. He couldn’t really speak. Emotion choked him and made it impossible to voice his thoughts so he did the best thing he could and held her as silent tears stained his shoulder. She was relieved and worried and scared. “He won’t talk to me. I tried but he just keeps nodding or shaking his head.” She let out a quiet sob. “How can I help if I don’t know what’s wrong?” She clutched his shirt. 

“I know.” Levi forced the words out. “Mikasa, I know it's hard, but I need you to be strong. Eren needs you to be strong. Let him, “ he choked on his own sobb,” Let him tell you when he is ready. Just be there for him. You’re the only one he’ll let see him right now. He needs you the most. So after you’re done here I need you to go wash your face and go back and just be there. Okay?” She nodded and took a few minutes to collect herself before walking into the bathroom down the hall to wash her face. 

Levi ran a hand through his hair. He didn’t bother to comb it on his way out of his house. Hell, he didn’t even bother to change out of the sweatpants and hoodie. The hoodie had actually been Eren’s. He had let Levi wear it one night when it was raining and Levi was inevitably freezing. Eren had laughed and taken off the hoodie and shoved it awkwardly over Levi’s head. Levi had bitched about Eren messing up his hair and Eren had just laughed and said Levi looked cute in it. Levi never gave it back and after Eren had went missing he never spent a night without it. 

“You okay?” THe question had come from Hanji. She had tagged along with Levi after he had text her saying he wouldn’t be at work the next day. Of course ever Erwin, the shit he was, came to support Levi. That’s what they claimed at least. But he knew even they felt the absence of Eren like a piece of their heart was taken. That’s what Eren was good at. Worming into people’s hearts and making it so no one could forget him. Even Jean spent a week in his house mourning. 

“I don’t know,” Levi answered honestly. Levi watched as Mikasa walked out of the bathroom and into Eren’s hospital room. 

Levi felt a hand on his shoulder and his throat closed up again. “Let’s all go sit in the waiting room.” She announced and everyone else nodded. She started walking and Levi tried to follow, but his legs wouldn’t carry him towards the small lobby full of uncomfortable hospital chairs. 

“I-I’ll just sit out here..” He spoke just loud enough for Hanji to hear. She turned and looked at him. Her eyes shone with tears as she nodded and finished walking down the hall. 

Levi turned and slumped to the floor by the door to the room. Just knowing that Eren was in their alive and breathing was enough to make Levi be able to relax. The one person Levi cared about most in the world was alive just in the room next to him. He breathed a sigh as relieved tears streaked down his face. He placed his arms on his knees and rested his head against them. Eren was alive. He might not be at one hundred percent but he was alive and there wasn’t anyone there to hurt him ever again. Levi wouldn’t let it happen. Ever. 

As Levi sat there the 20 hour day and only three hours of sleep caught up to him and he fell asleep slumped by the door to Eren’s hospital bed. 

A few hours later Levi was awoken by the door opening. Mikasa poked her head out and looked down at Levi. “He wants to see you.” Levi was surprised. Out of all of the people there to see him, people that Eren had known longer, he wanted to see Levi. But instead of questioning Levi got up and followed Mikasa into the room. 

Eren was still curled up onto his side. He was facing a chair that Mikasa had moved in order to be closer to him. “Levi is here, Just like you asked, I told you he would come see you.” At Mikasa’s words Eren turned ever so slightly to see Levi. Eren’s eyes showed surprise and something that looked like sadness. It made Levi want to run and hold him, but he stood his ground and walked to the side of the bed with the chair.

“I’m going to go to the cafeteria and get some coffee. I’ll be right back. You can go ahead and sit Levi.” Mikasa gave Eren one last lingering look before closing the door softly behind her. Levi did as she said and took a seat in front of Eren. 

“Hey,” Levi sighed out his eyes never leaving the now dulled green. They were hazy looking and nothing like they had been a month ago. “You gave us all quite the scare…” Levi didn’t expect Eren to answer and he didn’t. Eren only averted his gaze and  curled closer into himself.

Minutes ticked on in silence. Normally Levi wouldn’t mind, but this silence seemed suffocating. So finally Levi spoke, “Is there any reason you wanted to see me?” A nod.”Are you going to tell me?” Another more hesitant nod. So Levi waited. 

After about ten minutes of what Levi assumed was Eren gathering courage, or maybe even strength, Eren spoke. “I-,” his voice was was nothing more than a croak,” I just w-want you t-t-to keep an eye out f-for...Kasa.” Levi nodded. He would do anything for Eren. 

Eren seemed pleased with this and settled into the bed and closed his eyes. In mere minutes he was asleep and it left Levi alone with his thoughts. It was a few minutes later when Mikasa walked into the door. 

“The painkillers the give him knock him out.” She sighed. Dark bags found their home at the bottom of her eyes and her body seemed to be running on fumes as she sipped her coffee. “I brought you some tea. Black, it was all they had.” She handed him another steaming cup and Levi nodded in thanks. 

“What did he talk to you about?” Levi was curious. 

Mikasa looked over at Eren sadly. “I mostly just told him things that have been going on. Like Armin getting into Med school, us getting lunches, and things that might cheer him up. He never really said much. He asked how you were. I told him he could ask you since you’ve been here the whole time. He didn’t believe me and asked to see you.” She seemed to pause and tears sprung to her eyes. 

“He’ll be here for a week at least. They want to monitor how well he functions.” She pulled the other chair over and sat next to Levi. “He has a broken arm and they think he might have something wrong with his throat. THose are just some of the physical stuff. He might have to see a counselor. Scratch that he  _ has _ to go see a counselor. He-he-” soft tears slowly make their way down her cheeks. “He told me not to tell anyone. I-I just can’t keep it to myself. He told me he...he told me he wants to die.” She sobbed quietly in order not to wake him up. 

Levi’s heart dropped. How could someone so bright and determined become the husk that Eren was now. What monster could ever do that to a person as wonderful as Eren. LEvi wanted to punch something- _ someone _ \- out of rage and frustration. He was sick to his stomach and he just wanted to hold Eren and tell him that everything was going to be okay. 

“We-we can’t let him,” Mikasa put a hand on Levi’s arm,” we lost him once. I can’t- I can’t do it again. You hear me I can’t lose him again. I lost him once and i can’t do it again.”IN place of despair her eyes were determined. Although they were not siblings by blood that was one thing that Mikasa and Eren shared: determination. 

“We won’t. We’ll get him help and he can fight through it. Like he always has. He’ll make it through it. We won’t lose him. We won’t.” Levi promised her. 

“That’s a promise then.” Mikasa nodded to Levi her eyes red and puffy but determined.

“It’s a promise.”

Two weeks later Eren was released from the hospital. The doctors decided to keep him an extra week in order due to Eren reacting badly to any food. So two weeks later Levi, Mikasa and Armin signed Eren out and took him home in Mikasa’s old beat up Ford Explorer. Eren was quiet the whole way back to his and Mikasa’s shared apartment. As they walked in Eren took a second to take everything in. 

Levi and Mikasa went to go place his things in his room. Due to the hospital being drab they had brought him a few things to make it more homey. Through all of their efforts Eren’s spirits never seemed to lift more than for a few seconds then he’d fall asleep and it would return to how it was before. 

Eren had also taken more to Armin than the both of them. Eren would over all respond better and interact more with the bubbly little blonde. And did it make Levi absolutely clueless. In the first few days Eren would only let MIkasa and Levi into his room, but once Armin was allowed Eren would only respond to the cousins when it was necessary. 

From Eren’s room they could hear Armin and Eren talking. Armin in his high squeak and Eren in his newly found hushed monotony. MIkasa busied herself by putting his things away. He could tell she was having a hard time with Eren barely speaking to her. Mikasa had expected Eren to fall onto her and tell her everything, but even as the police talked to him he had not let anyone near the room. 

The two sat in a tense silence. Levi had sat down onto Eren’s bed. The bed they had shared so many tender moments. The bed that always smelled of Eren. LEvi felt emotion rise and his throat close as he gripped the bed spread. Levi could feel the tears welling in his eyes and the unheard cries threatening to spill from his lips. 

He wondered if Eren even loved him anymore. He wondered if they would ever share a bed again, or if he would ever hear sweet nothings whispered into his ear as they curled together. He wondered if he would ever taste those lips again. Mostly he wondered if Eren would ever talk to him again. He could live with them not being anything, hell he could live with Eren hating him, He just couldn’t live without hearing the soft sweet voice of the man he loved more than anything in the world. 

Levi looked up to the sound of footsteps at the door. Armin stood in the entrance with a sad smile. “Eren said he wanted some tomato soup. Do you guys want anything?”

“We’ll all have some.” Mikasa spoke up for Levi. “We can make a family dinner out of it.” Levi nodded. 

When Mikasa was finished they stood and walked out together. Eren was sitting at the small round kitchen table watching Armin make the soup. Mikasa put on her brave face and went to go help Armin. Levi was left to awkwardly sit on the chair next to Eren. He watched as Eren’s dull green eyes flitted towards him briefly before looking back towards his two friends. 

Through the emotion rising Levi managed to speak. “I-uh- I’m glad you’re home.” Eren nodded and made a voice in the back of his throat in an answer. Levi bit his lip and placed his head in his hands. Even now Eren refused to talk to Levi. It frustrated him to no end. 

They went through dinner with only Armin, Mikasa, and Levi talking while Eren silently sipped at his soup. Dinner wasn’t all that unpleasant. There was a someone light feeling. Even Eren seemed to cheer up for the small amount of time it took them to all finish their tomato soup. 

The next week was hectic with Eren’s doctor’s appointments and the struggle of finding Eren a counselor he liked and would talk to. FInally they came across Rico, She was the only one who Eren would even look at. During their first session he answered some of her questions and that was more than what they got out of every other one, so they stayed with her. 

Eren also went to the police station in order to help them catch whoever had done this. He had helped the sketch artist with a face and told the police what had happened. He still would not let anyone else now. WHoever took him to his appointments would sit in the lobby and wait till he was done. For a while it had seemed Eren was getting better. 

About a month into Eren’s appointments Mikasa had to go to work early and that left Eren alone for an hour. Mikasa, Levi and Armin had made it a point to not let Eren be alone in the house. Sure he could be alone in his room if he so wished, but he would always have someone close by to make sure he was alright. 

Levi was scheduled to take Levi to see Rico and pick up whatever else the doctors had prescribed him. When Mikasa had told him Eren would be alone for an hour before Levi could get off of work he was worried. More worried than what was probably healthy. So Levi left a half an hour earlier than he was supposed to. He quickly drove over to Eren and Mikasa’s s shared home. He let himself in and made his way to check on Eren. 

“Get out!” He heard Eren scream before he saw him run from the bathroom to his room. He ran as the door slammed shut. He could hear Eren crying on the other side. Heavy sobs were the only noise Levi could make out as Eren leaned against the door. Levi stopped pulling on the door and looked around. By the bathroom door there was a bottle spilled to the floor. The contents were spilled onto the floor. Levi went and picked the bottle up.  _ Valium _ . 

The realization hit Levi like a truck. Tears freely fell from his face as he walked to the door. “Eren,” His voice was raw and he could hear the sobs increase. “Please let me in, Eren. Please,” Levi hiccuped softly. Eren’s sobs increased and he could hear the defeat in Eren’s sad cries. 

Levi tried the door again and found if he pushed hard enough he could just slip in. As Levi forced his way into the room Eren moved completely away from the door. Levi tripped and fell to the floor in front of where Eren sat crying. Levi crawled to the small looking broken boy in front of him. He did what he had wanted to since he laid eyes on him in the hospital room. He held him. 

Eren felt frail in his arms. His crying drenched the front of Levi’s shirt. “You aren't supposed to be here,” Eren sobbed out. “Why are you here?” It was more of an accusation than a question. “It was going to be quick and I wouldn’t have to deal with the pity I see in everyone’s eyes!” That was the longest sentence Eren had said to him. “ I know MIkasa told you. I know Armin knows too.” His crying didn’t stop through his talking. 

Levi did his best to be soothing. He held him close and rubbed small circles onto Eren’s back as he rocked them back and forth. 

“Just let me die!” Eren beat a fist against Levi’s chest. “Do you know how hard it is? Seeing you all so sad but pretending that everything is all happy dandy? DO you know what it's like to see the pity in everyone’s eyes like I’m some fucking kicked puppy? What it’s like seeing you look at me like I’m still gone?” 

Levi’s tears fell onto the brunet’s head. “Do you know what he did to me? Did you know why he took me?” Eren’s voice was more accusing. “He raped me, Levi. He beat me and told me I was his now and that he wouldn’t have had to do it if I had chosen him over you.” Eren’s voice broke into sobs once more and he clutched Levi’s shirt. “He told me that you didn’t deserve me. He made me do things, Levi.” Levi cried softly and held onto Eren as tight as he could without hurting him. “He wouldn’t let me eat unless I told him I hated you. When he raped me he would yell and ask if you were as good as him. He-he…” Eren’s voice failed him as he clung to Levi. 

“You don’t have to tell me.” Levi whispered softly into Eren’s hair. “It’s okay. It’ll all be okay.”  Eren’s sobs grew in volume until he finally settled down. 

“I want to die, Levi.” Eren’s voice was soft and broken. “I was always trying to get out,” he sniffs,” but now I don’t want to live anymore. I’m scared, Levi. I’m scared he’s going to be there.” Eren’s silent hot tears wetted Levi’s neck as he spoke. “I don’t sleep at night. I’m too scared that he’s going to come get me. I’m too scared to even get out of bed to go sleep with Mikasa,” he admits solemnly. 

Levi held onto the broken boy and rand his hand through his hair. Eren’s sobs were quiet and his hands gripped onto Levi’s shirt as his body shook. Levi never would have thought that the man he loved. The wonderful and stubborn man would ever say those words. That he was scared. Eren was never scared. He wasn’t scared when the dicks at the bar had surrounded them, he wasn’t scared when his car broke down in the middle of the street, and he definitely wasn’t scared of any of the scary movies that made Levi jump. But now...Eren, the fearless suicidal bastard he was, was scared. And it hurt Levi. The fact itself made silent tears roll down his pale cheeks as he held onto Eren harder.  

Levi ached. He ached to take all of the pain and fear away. He ached for Eren in the way that he wanted the brunet to never suffer. Levi wanted to switch places. Levi wanted to have been the one taken. The one to go through the horrors Eren had. 

“I’ll never let anything hurt you ever again,” Levi whispered to Eren. “I love you...and I’ll never let anything hurt you again.” Eren gripped Levi’s shirt tighter. 

After a few moments Eren whispered,” You can’t promise that.” Eren’s tears fell silent now. “You can’t be with me all hours of everyday.” Eren pulled back to look Levi in the face,” You can’t promise that when I’m the biggest danger to myself.” 

Levi watched as the silent tears made tracks down Eren’s cheeks. Levi grabbed his face and brought their foreheads together. “I can and I will. I love you. Eren Jeager.” Levi took a deep breath and continued,” I love you and you are not allowed to leave me.” A sob left Eren’s mouth. “You’ve never been selfish before so you can’t be selfish now. You are going to get help, and you are going to live.” Levi wiped at the tears leaving Eren’s eyes. “I don’t care if you can’t return my feelings anymore. I don’t care if you hate me for the rest of your life. But you are not allowed to die. I decided a long time ago that you were the only one for me. “ Tears now freely fell between the both of them. “Just don’t leave. Everyone loves you. We want you to stay with us. We don’t care if you’re different than you were when you were taken. You’re still our Eren.” A sob fell from Levi’s lips,” You’re my Eren.” 

Eren fell apart falling into Levi’s arms. He cried until he ran out of tear and fell into sleep. Levi held him through it. And that’s where Mikasa found them hours later. Levi holding a sleeping Eren. 

In the following weeks Levi attended therapy sessions with Eren. Levi also often spent the night at their small apartment. They easily fell into a routine designed to help Eren get better. 

Months and months passed with Eren going from therapy session to therapy session when the news came. Levi had been cooking dinner for the three of them and Armin while Eren and Mikasa were sitting on the couch watching the news. Armin had been sitting at the table doing his homework. 

Levi was stirring the tomato sauce for the pasta when he heard Mikasa. “Oh my god...Eren, oh my god.” Levi had been on high alert since he had walked in on Eren trying to commit suicide. Levi rushed into the living room to see Mikasa and Eren crying and hugging each other.  

“What happened?” Levi asked seeing their crying faces. 

Eren pulled from Mikasa wiping the tears from his eyes as he gave Levi a small bu genuine smile, “They caught him, Levi.”

This found the four of them all on the couch holding each other and crying. They were happy. Even if it was only for a few moments. 

The trial was long and extremely hard for Eren. He was asked to testify and because he was not completely over the trauma, and probably would never be, he had broken down more than a few times on the stand. But the worst was seeing him. Seeing the man that had kept him captive. The man that had done so much damage. 

But Eren would do anything to see that man put behind bars. He would do anything to see his justice. So he got up onto the stand and told the court. For the first time Eren told the entire story. For the first time since it happened Eren relived the horrors of his captivity.  And Levi was there through it all. 

It took the jury three hours to decide. The entire court held their breath as the jury filed back in. Levi and Mikasa held Eren’s hands as he tried to hold back tears. 

“We the jury find the defendant...guilty.” Guilty.

Eren sat in disbelief. Mikasa had tears running down her face. Armin sat with enough force to shake the seat. But Levi. Levi pulled Eren into his arms and gripped him close.

“He can never hurt you again, Eren. “ The tears finally came. Eren was crying, but not the sad tears he knew. No the first happy tears that he had cried. 

And for the first time since Eren had been kidnapped he spoke three words. Three words that had Levi speechless and full of things to say all at once. 

“I love you.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
